Hi, I'm fuckin' Eddie Dingle 
I met this girl named Nan 
She, she overpopulated my senses 
And fuckin' dicked me over 

What's your big secret? 
Could you give me a clue? 
Oh, silly girl, I'm so in love with you 
Won't you tell me what's on your mind 
If you'd open your head tell me what would I find 

Are you for real? What do you feel? 

Finders keepers, losers weepers, baby 
If I could get the lid off, I'd look into the jar 
Is this the best thing that I can do? 
It ain't done me no good so far 

Mind over matter 
But it seems I don't matter at all (fucker) 
Nan, a table for one 
Do you think I could be invited to come? (fuck) 

What's your big secret? 
Could you give me a clue? 
Oh, silly, silly girl, I'm so in love with you 
Won't you tell me what's on your mind 
If you'd open your head tell me what would you find 

Are you for real? What do you feel? 

You know, I saw you yesterday walkin' with Danny 
He's a fucker, and you're a fucker too 
You know what you did to me baby? 
Yeah, you know what you did, now you're walkin' with Danny down the street 
How do you think that make me feel huh? 
How do you think that make me feel huh? Huh? 
You think I like it here, you fucker? 
You fuckin' bitch, I hate you, you fucker 
You keep walkin' with Danny 
You keep fuckin' walkin' with Danny, I don't give a fuck 
Yeah, I don't give a flying fuck about you or Danny, you bitch